If you love dogs and/or cats...

[dwgm]

Dear Dogs and Cats,

The dishes with the paw print are yours and contain your food. The other dishes are mine and contain my food. Please note, placing a paw print in the middle of my plate and food does not stake a claim for it becoming your food and dish, nor do I find the sight aesthetically pleasing. The stairway was not designed by NASCAR and is not a racetrack. Beating me to the bottom is not the object. Tripping me doesn't help because I fall faster than you can run. I cannot buy anything bigger than a king-sized bed. I am very sorry about this. Do not think I will continue sleeping on the couch to ensure your comfort. Dogs and cats can actually curl up in a ball when they sleep. It is not necessary to sleep perpendicular to each other stretched out to the fullest extent possible. I also know that sticking tails straight out and having tongues hanging out the other end to maximize space is nothing but sarcasm. For the last time, there is not a secret exit from the bathroom. If by some miracle I beat you there and manage to get the door shut, it is not necessary to claw, whine, meow, try to turn the knob, or get your paw under the edge and try to pull the door open. I must exit through the same door I entered. I have been using the bathroom for years--canine or feline attendance is not mandatory. The proper order here is kiss me, then go smell the other dog or cat's butt. I cannot stress this enough! To pacify you my dear pets, I have posted the following message on our front door:


Rules For Non-pet-owners Who Visit
And Like To Complain About Our Pets


1. They live here. You don't.

2. If you don't want hair on your clothes, stay off the furniture. (That's why they call it "fur"niture.)

3. I like my pets a lot better than I like most people.

4. To you, it's an animal. To me, he/she is an adopted son/daughter who is short, hairy, walks on all fours, and does not speak clearly.


Remember: Dogs and cats are better than kids because they: eat less and don't ask for money all the time, are easier to train, usually come when called, never drive your car, don't hang out with drug-using friends, don't smoke or drink, don't worry about having to buy the latest fashions, don't wear your clothes, don't need a gazillion dollars for college, and if they get pregnant, you can sell their children.

~.~

Comments

[avingail.livejournal.com]

Heh heh heh. Quite appropriate!

[geekmama.livejournal.com]

::::ICONLOVE!!!::::

A friend forwarded me that in an email and it just hit a funny bone. Had to share.

[elissali.livejournal.com]

oh, that's awesome. :)

[geekmama.livejournal.com]

It was one of those forwarded emails. I rarely forward things like that, but this one was really cute, I thought. Glad you thought so too!

[tiggothy.livejournal.com]

I so have to print that out & show it to my offline friends ^_^

[geekmama.livejournal.com]

Glad you found it funny, too! A friend forwarded it to me in an email. Some of the points made are all too true. *G*

[shrieking-ell.livejournal.com]

Love it!

Especially the last bit!

[geekmama.livejournal.com]

if they get pregnant, you can sell their children.

That's the part that made me laugh out loud.

Glad you liked it, too!

[amy-leone.livejournal.com]

That was great!

[geekmama.livejournal.com]

Oooh, your icon is cute, too -- that's Toby, isn't it? Did you see avingail's Kitten Of Love icon?

Glad you liked this -- I thought you might! *G*

[kellenanne.livejournal.com]

*giggles* It works for ferrets, too. ^_^

[geekmama.livejournal.com]

I bet it does! *G*

[ballincollig.livejournal.com]

So perfect! :D

[geekmama.livejournal.com]

What we do for our pets...!

[cymbeline.livejournal.com]

LOL! My cat has somehow figured out how to weigh 50 pounds when he sleeps next to me and hogs the blankets.

[geekmama.livejournal.com]

*G* Those cats are amazing creatures!

[cbtreks.livejournal.com]

DH has to see that - so true! Thanks for posting it.

[geekmama.livejournal.com]

You're welcome! Much of it is very true -- the pawprint in the food for example. Just the other day I was eating some new kind of cereal and my cat wanted to share in the worst way -- kept tentatively putting out her little paw like she wanted to scoop some up. So cute.

[jaekayelle.livejournal.com]

LOL My cats really need to read that. *g*

[geekmama.livejournal.com]

Mine, too. The paw in the food thing: yeah. ;)

[lizzie-omalley.livejournal.com]

I have seen some of that before but it is still quite funny.

[geekmama.livejournal.com]

Oooh, cute kitties! Are those yours?

I don't think I'd seen that one before -- but it was that last line, about how you can sell their children, that got me. *G*

[lizzie-omalley.livejournal.com]

One is. Or more likely she owns me. The grey has moved on from this life so he no longer lives with me.

I also have 2 others.

Yeah, I hadn't seen that last bit either.

[rennie1265.livejournal.com]

Oh! My! Goodness! I'm sitting here just after work and laughing like a nut. Must pass this one to certain pet owners I know. It fits just perfectly. Thanks for sending this along.
Rennie

[geekmama.livejournal.com]

Certain lines were just too true to life. Had to share. I'm very glad you got a laugh out of it. :)

[hendercats.livejournal.com]

*Applause!*

Dogs and cats are better than kids because they ...
Have often said that if I had it to do over again, there'd be fewer kids and more cats!

[geekmama.livejournal.com]

I particularly liked the last line. But yes, you can really relate to all that, at the moment, I know. :)

Oooh, pretty cat on your icon! I need to take pix of mine, too, and make icons.

[elessil.livejournal.com]

LOL! Is it weird that this text still makes me want to have a cat?

[geekmama.livejournal.com]

Not at all weird. Cats are special creatures (as they know) and make one content to put up with all sorts of inconvenience.