Forward of the Day

[dwgm]

~ MEDICAL INSURANCE EXPLAINED ~



Q. What does HMO stand for?

A. This is actually a variation of the phrase, "HEY MOE." Its roots go back to a concept pioneered by Moe Howard of the Three Stooges, who discovered that a patient could be made to forget the pain in his foot if he was poked hard enough in the eye.

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Q. I just joined an HMO. How difficult will it be to choose the doctor I want?

A. Just slightly more difficult than choosing your parents. Your insurer will provide you with a book listing all the doctors in the plan. The doctors basically fall into two categories--those who are no longer accepting new patients, and those who will see you but are no longer participating in the plan. But don't worry, the remaining doctor who is still in the plan and accepting new patients has an office just a half-day's drive away and a diploma from a third world country.

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Q. Do all diagnostic procedures require pre-certification?

A. No. Only those you need.

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Q. Can I get coverage for my preexisting conditions?

A. Certainly, as long as they don't require any treatment.

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Q What happens if I want to try alternative forms of medicine?

A. You'll need to find alternative forms of payment.

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Q. My pharmacy plan only covers generic drugs, but I need the name brand. I tried the generic medication, but it gave me a stomach ache. What should I do?

A. Poke yourself in the eye.

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Q. What if I'm away from home and I get sick?

A. You really shouldn't do that.

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Q. I think I need to see a specialist, but my doctor insists he can handle my problem. Can a general practitioner really per- form a heart transplant right in his/her office?

A. Hard to say, but considering that all you're risking is the $20.00 co-payment, there's no harm in giving it a shot.

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Q. Will health care be different in the next century?

A. No, but if you call right now, you might get an appointment by then.

Comments

[hereswith.livejournal.com]

LOL! That was great! Thanks for posting it :-)

Ps. Since I haven't a clue about how such things work over there, what does HMO stand for, for real?

[celandineb.livejournal.com]

Health Maintenance Organization.

[geekmama.livejournal.com]

'Health Maintenance Organization' - had to Google it, though I've been a member of one of the oldest ones most of my life -- Kaiser Permanente. It works a little bit differently than the kind that are the subject of this forward -- Kaiser has its own hospitals and doctors, and it's not quite as difficult to get referrals to their specialists as a result.

Glad you found it amusing -- I sure did.

I need a Three Stooges icon.

[linaelyn.livejournal.com]

I think of Weird Al as kinda the "fourth stooge" anyhow, LOL.

[geekmama.livejournal.com]

Yes, he's kinda like that -- I've seen him in concert twice, and he's such a great performer!

[celandineb.livejournal.com]

LOL! Oh, man, there are so many things wrong with the health care chaos system in this country... and the absolutely crazy thing is that I know people who think that it is all just hunky-dory and we have the best health care in the world. *rolls eyes*

[geekmama.livejournal.com]

I know. That's why this was so funny -- a lot of it hits way too close to home.

[camille-moineau.livejournal.com]

Very funny! It sounds very Dave Barry-esque....

[geekmama.livejournal.com]

It does, doesn't it? Gosh, I haven't read Dave Barry in ages -- he was one of my favorites, and I have several of his books, but I stopped taking newspapers, for the most part.

[camille-moineau.livejournal.com]

I have several of his books

So do I. I lent out my Complete Guide to Guys, and -- suprise! -- it was never returned.

Yeah, Dave still writes up a few columns, mostly dealing with local events, in the Miami Herald; he made my Hurricane Wilma-Power Outage from Hell just a little more bearable. If you want, I'll try to find the column.

[geekmama.livejournal.com]

That'd be great, if it's not too much trouble.

[trinityday.livejournal.com]

Hee! Thanks for posting.

And I must say, you get much better forwards than I ever do!

[geekmama.livejournal.com]

Well, I only post the really exceptional ones. Like most people, I get a lot of the silly/annoying stuff too. But every once in a while I get one that's worth sharing. Glad you got a laugh out of this one. ;)

[trinityday.livejournal.com]

Oh, I never get the ones worth sharing.

[linaelyn.livejournal.com]

Funny because it's true. Even Kaiser has its moments. They served our family well though Estel's grandma's passing (years and years ago) but they were a nightmare for his sister's baby being born. There wasn't a room for her in maternity (busy night), and they had her pushing in a HALLWAY ON THE FLOOR. One of the reasons I decided homebirth was looking pretty good.

[geekmama.livejournal.com]

Good God. Yes, I've heard some horror stories about Kaiser, though I have never personally experienced problems with them. My Mom & Dad both had Kaiser insurance, and I was pleased with the care they received as outpatients, in the hospital, and in follow up. Maybe we were just lucky.

I can see where home birth would have seemed preferable. I was really really lucky and had great insurance -- my kids were born in a smallish hospital in a well-to-do community near here and we all got the best of care.

[linaelyn.livejournal.com]

It was just one of those things. For a few years, Walnut Creek Kaiser was in the process of building a new maternity wing, but it took more years than expected (as construction does) and they had too few beds for the laboring mothers, about six days a month. If they'd allowed women to labor in standard hospital rooms it would have presented greater risk of maternal and newborn infection. If they'd turned mothers away, it was a forty minute drive to the next Kaiser, through the East Bay mountains-- hour and a half in rush hour.

My youngest niece was born in the new facility, and had a wonderful experience. But my other sister's three kids spanned the years that construction was underway. The real cause was the lag in medical services which could not keep pace with the exponential growth: the baby boom in the burgeoning outer-'burbs.