Drabble: 'Bloody Fool' (Jack, Barbossa)
Apr. 6th, 2008 05:02 pmAnd another one for the 'Fool' challenge, 150 words of Jack and Barbossa, inspired by a line from
p0wdermonkey's Sixth Nut Out of the Locker...
~ Bloody Fool ~
Red, rhythmic agony assails Jack with each quick step Barbossa takes, and the man’s arms are like iron bands under Jack’s knees and shoulders. The slick, wet blood spreads steadily, but the blessed blackness of unconsciousness recedes ever further, and Jack is finally unable to help groaning aloud.
“Jack! Hang on, lad. We’ll have ye back to the ship in a trice.”
Hector doesn’t stop walking, but there’s panic in his voice, and steely determination, too. Jack manages to open his eyes briefly and the vision of the pale skin and set jaw is something he knows he’ll not soon forget – provided he survives to remember.
Jack manages to rasp, “Hector!”
“What?” Hector does stop, now. “What is it?”
Jack summons the ghost of a smile. “Didn’t know you cared, mate.”
Hector rolls his eyes and snaps, “Shut up, ye bloody fool!” and lights out again, fast, toward the Pearl.
~.~
~ Bloody Fool ~
Red, rhythmic agony assails Jack with each quick step Barbossa takes, and the man’s arms are like iron bands under Jack’s knees and shoulders. The slick, wet blood spreads steadily, but the blessed blackness of unconsciousness recedes ever further, and Jack is finally unable to help groaning aloud.
“Jack! Hang on, lad. We’ll have ye back to the ship in a trice.”
Hector doesn’t stop walking, but there’s panic in his voice, and steely determination, too. Jack manages to open his eyes briefly and the vision of the pale skin and set jaw is something he knows he’ll not soon forget – provided he survives to remember.
Jack manages to rasp, “Hector!”
“What?” Hector does stop, now. “What is it?”
Jack summons the ghost of a smile. “Didn’t know you cared, mate.”
Hector rolls his eyes and snaps, “Shut up, ye bloody fool!” and lights out again, fast, toward the Pearl.
~.~
no subject
Date: 2008-04-07 12:22 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2008-04-07 12:30 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2008-04-07 12:45 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2008-04-07 12:35 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2008-04-07 12:48 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2008-04-07 12:51 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2008-04-07 12:54 am (UTC)the vision of the pale skin and set jaw is something he knows he’ll not soon forget – provided he survives to remember
no subject
Date: 2008-04-07 01:07 am (UTC)And now, taxes, dammit!!
*g*
no subject
Date: 2008-04-07 01:23 am (UTC)I've always suspected that ever since, Sparrow's had a far harder time trusting anyone.
no subject
Date: 2008-04-07 01:26 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2008-04-07 02:26 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2008-04-07 04:30 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2008-04-07 02:29 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2008-04-07 04:39 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2008-04-07 05:16 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2008-04-07 05:26 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2008-04-07 09:17 am (UTC)This is exactly the kind of thing I was imagining when I put that line into Nuts 6. Wonderful to see it so beautifully filled out! You really catch the dynamic between these two: the teasing, the snarling, the toughness, the dependence...
You know, that moment almost didn't make it into my story. I woke up the morning after I thought I'd finished and realised I had to include something to show why Barbossa matters to Jack more than I think he would if it was just the mutiny. I've always liked the idea that he looked after Jack - at least a few times. I think there's an immensely complicated balance sheet of grudges and debts between them. Having Jack shot in the chest (like Barbossa) and Barbossa be the one to save him just seemed to sum that up - I couldn't resist. The two other J/B flashbacks in the same section were part of the same last-minute tweak. Now I'm extra glad they went in!
no subject
Date: 2008-04-07 06:51 pm (UTC)I think my first intimation was Barbossa's line; "No, I really think I do." in COTBP, at the Aztec Chest. His body language, intonations-- so much shorthand in that interchange.
no subject
Date: 2008-04-08 12:30 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2008-04-08 09:14 am (UTC)The COTBP lines that started me off were:
"The girl's blood didn't work" ... "You know who's blood we need." "I know who's blood you need."
I hadn't thought of the "really think I do" line in that way. But see what you mean. Basically, any line either of them says in the other's presence seems to suggest a long story or two in the background.
no subject
Date: 2008-04-08 12:57 am (UTC)Oh, yes, I have to agree. I'll leave the higher ratings to you, but you have me totally convinced that there is a LOT of backstory that could be written even in a good friends/good enemies scenario.
I think it was those flashbacks that really made the story for me, actually -- they show so clearly that there is more here than just a working relationship and random sex, spiced with snark and occasional animosity. Your Muse knew what she was doing!
As I said, I was very
relievedglad you enjoyed this. Thank you so much for your commenting at length -- I really appreciate it!no subject
Date: 2008-04-08 09:06 am (UTC)I think I'm in danger of accepting that notion so completely I forget it needs to be spelled out in each story!
no subject
Date: 2008-04-08 01:59 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2008-04-07 10:56 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2008-04-08 12:27 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2008-04-14 08:29 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2008-04-16 02:22 am (UTC)Glad you found this interesting!
no subject
Date: 2008-04-16 08:03 am (UTC)All the stories are here. Start with Scarlet or Crimson for Jack/Barbossa pre-mutiny wonderfulness. (And try to leave feedback - she's struggling to write at the moment and could use the encouragement.)