Cat Haiku

[dwgm]

Negotiating
No-man's land: carpet alive,
Flea season again.

I need a new toy.
Tail of black dog keeps good time.
Pounce! good dog! good dog!

The rule for today:
Touch my tail, I shred your hand.
New rule tomorrow.

In deep sleep hear sound
cat vomit hairball somewhere
will find in morning

Cat, fearless hunter
leaves 'presents' for me near door
next time I'll wear shoes

Grace personified,
I leap into the window.
I meant to do that.

Night. Now come night-mice.
I chase them 'round on loud feet.
You can't see them too?

Blur of motion, then --
silence, me, a paper bag.
What is so funny?

You never feed me.
Perhaps I'll sleep on your face.
That will sure show you.

The mighty hunter
Returns with gifts of plump birds --
Your foot just squashed one

You must scratch me there!
Yes, above my tail! Behold,
elevator butt.

You're always typing.
Well, let's see you ignore my
sitting on your hands.

My small cardboard box.
You cannot see me if I
can just hide my head.

Terrible battle.
I fought for hours. Come and see!
What's a 'term paper'?

Kitty likes plastic
Confuses for litter box
Don't leave tarp around

Small brave carnivores
Kill pine cones and mosquitoes
Fear vacuum cleaner

Want to trim my claws?
Don't even think about it!
My yelps will wake dead.

I want to be close
To you. Can I fit my head
inside your armpit?

Wanna go outside.
Oh, shoot! Help! I got outside!
Let me back inside!

Oh no! Big One
has been trapped by newspaper!
Cat to the rescue!

Humans are so strange.
Mine lies still in bed, then screams!
My claws aren't that sharp ...

Cats meow out of angst
"Thumbs! If only we had thumbs!
We could break so much!"

Litter box not here
You must have moved it again
I'll crap in the sink.

The Big Ones snore now
Every room is dark and cold
Time for "Cup Hockey"

We're almost equals
I purr to show I love you
Want to smell my butt?


~.~

Comments

[shrieking-ell.livejournal.com]

Pushes cat off arms to reply and to send this to husband who pushes *other* cat off keyboard to receive.

Bwahahahaha!!!

You have made my day. Are all LJ users cat people?

[geekmama.livejournal.com]

Are all LJ users cat people?

I don't know, but I suspect a large number are. I can totally relate to the Cat On The Keyboard thing. Also Cat On The Papers You Were Carefully Sorting, and Cat On The Newspaper (Cats can't read, and they don't want you to read, either).

Glad you liked these!

[morrigann.livejournal.com]

Don't you know rule #1 in the kitty rule book??? Books is for sleepin! If they had opposable thumbs they would without doubt rule the world and we would be slaves who fed and fanned them...

[geekmama.livejournal.com]

Yes, the Books is for sleepin' rule must be a corollary of the Cats can't read... rule.

[avingail.livejournal.com]

*giggle* I had heard of the elevator butt haiku but never seen it in its real form. I shall add it to my silly kitty favorites.

[geekmama.livejournal.com]

You should share some of your silly kitty favorites with us cat people. Glad you liked the haiku.

[porridgebird.livejournal.com]

Oh these are great!! I am giggling my head off!

I can relate to so many of them. Elevator butt!! And The Rule for Today. And Kitty Likes Plastic (WHY do they DO THAT??)

Thank you so much for posting these :)

[geekmama.livejournal.com]

You're welcome! I'm glad you liked them. I think every cat person can relate to the sentiments expressed therein. ;)

These are wonderful!!!

[tolkieneowyn.livejournal.com]

And I love your colorful kitty-icon! I'm a big cat person, myself, have three of them, all females. My husband likes to joke that he's hopelessly outnumbered, the only male in a housefull of females. But he loves them, too.

Re: These are wonderful!!!

[geekmama.livejournal.com]

Hee! I have two fat, lazy indoor kitties, and 'OD' our outdoor cat, left when some neighbors moved away. All females, like yours. One of them was my Mother's Day gift in 1991 and she sleeps with me every night. If I'm lucky, she lets me have half the pillow (although on really cold nights she curls up next to me, under the covers).

My colorful kitty icon (which is my default icon) is Five Cats by Laurel Burch, one of my favorite artists.

Friended you--hope you don't mind. :)

Re: These are wonderful!!!

[tolkieneowyn.livejournal.com]

Oh, thank you!

I shall friend you back as well! Nice to see another 'geek' :)

BTW, if you don't know about it, there's a pretty neat community here on LJ called kittypix. Lots of cuteness, so you've been warned. :)

Re: These are wonderful!!!

[geekmama.livejournal.com]

Re: kittypix -- I saw the link on your profile page and already joined and left comments on two of the posts! Fast work huh?

Happy to be friended back!

[hereswith.livejournal.com]

Oh, funny :-) So true, all of them!

[geekmama.livejournal.com]

They are, indeed! Do you have a cat, too?

[hereswith.livejournal.com]

Yes, I do. And she's always on top of everything, papers, books, keyboard and so forth... when she's not trying to sit in my lap, of course :-)

[geekmama.livejournal.com]

Yep. That's the way they are--mine too.

[ex-stephmog743.livejournal.com]

Came here from kittypix expecting nothing much, I don't normally go in for haiku, but these are fab, they made me giggle :D

[geekmama.livejournal.com]

They are great, aren't they? Wish I could say I wrote them, but alas, no.

I love your icon!!

[ex-stephmog743.livejournal.com]

Thankyou!

This one was new to me!

[teresa-c.livejournal.com]

I've seen and loved most of these before, but this one:

I want to be close
To you. Can I fit my head
inside your armpit?

cracked me up! My calico, I swear, wants to return to the womb, and I'm Mommy cat!

Re: This one was new to me!

[geekmama.livejournal.com]

Hahaha! They are so cute, aren't they? Such interesting animals.

[landratte.livejournal.com]

Truer words have never been written. *snerk*

My cat enjoys to place herself on the mousepad. More exactly on my hand on the mouse on the mousepad. When she doesn't sit 0,5cm away from the monitor.

[outinthestorm.livejournal.com]

*laughs. loudly.*

Ah, the joys of owning cats.

Alas! No haiku's about velvet skirts or cheese. I may have to rememdy this problem.