dwgm: Kimi Birds (Elizabeth - Carriage by inevendim)
[personal profile] dwgm
Well, after all that complaining about having to write poetry, I managed to put my reply to the current drabble challenge in poetry form...



Her Lover’s Question


Does he like it best upswept
neatly pinned
one or two perfect curls
artistically coaxed
to lie against
that slender, sculpted shoulder
revealing the pale column
of her graceful neck
and the shell-like ears
flawless as the pearls that grace them?

But no. That studied beauty
can’t compare with
the scent and sight
of those golden waves
lying soft and loose
against the white silk of the pillows
light to his shadow
day to his night
tempting, luring, entangling him
in a web of warm, honeyed sun,
hunger assuaged with sweets,
a pirate drawn to bright treasure.



~.~

Date: 2005-04-21 10:57 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] aradiria.livejournal.com
mmm, wonderfully done. And I think the icon is absolutely fantastic, it helps...excentuate the poem. Or something. :)

Date: 2005-04-21 11:39 am (UTC)
ext_15536: Fuschias by Geek Mama (Elizabeth - Carriage by inevendim)
From: [identity profile] geekmama.livejournal.com
Yes, I don't get to use that icon too often. Glad you liked the poem!

Date: 2005-04-21 11:16 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] shyaway.livejournal.com
How beautiful!

Date: 2005-04-21 11:37 am (UTC)

Date: 2005-04-21 11:51 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] tiggothy.livejournal.com
Mmm... gorgeous writing as always, luv. I especially liked the mention of pearls and the light imagery in
light to his shadow
day to his night
tempting, luring, entangling him
in a web of warm, honeyed sun

Date: 2005-04-21 11:55 am (UTC)
ext_15536: Fuschias by Geek Mama (Elizabeth - Carriage by inevendim)
From: [identity profile] geekmama.livejournal.com
Thank you! I'm so happy you enjoyed that.

Date: 2005-04-21 11:56 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] hereswith.livejournal.com
See, once you got over that threshold, the words kept coming :-) Lovely poem, and the descriptions are beautiful and very vivid.

Ps. Any chance of you telling who he is, is there? I've tried to guess, but am not completely decided...

Date: 2005-04-21 12:01 pm (UTC)
ext_15536: Fuschias by Geek Mama (Elizabeth - Carriage by inevendim)
From: [identity profile] geekmama.livejournal.com
Actually, this started out as prose, but then I realised I could just change the formatting a little and post it as a poem, thus receiving extra points! Hahahahaha! Anyway, so happy you liked it.

And I deliberately kept the pairing ambiguous, so it could be Will, or Jack, or even Norrington. *G*

Date: 2005-04-21 12:27 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] hereswith.livejournal.com
I shall ignore all other possibilities and believe it's Jack, then, just because... ;-)

Date: 2005-04-21 12:31 pm (UTC)
ext_15536: Fuschias by Geek Mama (J/E - Between by notglassdoll)
From: [identity profile] geekmama.livejournal.com
Well, yes--you and me both. ;)

Date: 2005-04-21 01:33 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] leblacklabel.livejournal.com
Ah, the delights of Miss Swann's honey-hued hair.

It's all beautiful but I am with the second stanza all the way. I am sure that any of the three likely men would love to be entangled in Miss Swann's web of warm, honeyed sun.

Date: 2005-04-21 02:24 pm (UTC)
ext_15536: Fuschias by Geek Mama (Elizabeth - Carriage by inevendim)
From: [identity profile] geekmama.livejournal.com
I am sure that any of the three likely men would love to be entangled in Miss Swann's web of warm, honeyed sun.

I expect so. We all have our favorite pairings, and who am I to rain on another's parade.

Thank you for the lovely comments!

Date: 2005-04-21 04:23 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] cymbeline.livejournal.com
This is so pretty, and right on the mark. Men do appreciate our efforts to "do our hair" but they seem to prefer the soft image that sleeps next to them.

Date: 2005-04-21 04:40 pm (UTC)
ext_15536: Fuschias by Geek Mama (Elizabeth - Carriage by inevendim)
From: [identity profile] geekmama.livejournal.com
Oh, yes. I think, to a man, they love long hair. Glad you enjoyed the poem! Thank you so much for your comments here, and at BP Sails!

Date: 2005-04-21 05:54 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] guanin.livejournal.com
This is beautiful! Wonderful imagery.

I've friended you, by the way.

Date: 2005-04-21 08:03 pm (UTC)
ext_15536: Fuschias by Geek Mama (Pirate!)
From: [identity profile] geekmama.livejournal.com
Oooh, goody! I'll friend you back. Glad you enjoyed the poem! Thanks so much for the lovely comments.

Date: 2005-04-21 06:26 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] erinya.livejournal.com
I really like the lines "light to his shadow/day to his night."

That icon is absolutely gorgeous, by the way. Does it say "Call me by my name"?

Date: 2005-04-21 08:09 pm (UTC)
ext_15536: Fuschias by Geek Mama (Elizabeth - Carriage by inevendim)
From: [identity profile] geekmama.livejournal.com
I am guessing that's what it says. [livejournal.com profile] inevendim made it. I just liked the picture a lot.

Thank you for the lovely comments, both here and at BP Sails. As for those lines, it's odd how the simplest words can sometimes be so effective. I try to remember that, when I'm tempted to get too flowery in my writing.

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dwgm

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