Drabble

Oct. 16th, 2004 11:15 pm
dwgm: Kimi Birds (Jack (blank by  unen2gemismasin))
[personal profile] dwgm
Wrote a drabble for the current challenge at Black Pearl Sails: Stars. Actually, it kind of qualifies for [livejournal.com profile] fabu's 'Day of the Dead' challenge, too, except it's only 100 words, without the title.




Star-talk




He found her, blanket-wrapped and pale, watching the sea and infinite stars.

“All right?” He sank to the deck beside her.

“No. It hurts.”

“Stitches do. Here.” He pressed the flask into her hand. She grimaced. “Drink it! That’s an order.”

She colored. Uncorked, sipped, a little, then more. Coughed.

He slipped his arm around her. She leaned into him. “Next time, you’ll obey orders, and you won’t be hurt, eh?”

“Still scolding?” she complained.

He kissed her.

As they settled back, a star fell, hissing across the sky, startling both.

Then she said, “It’s Will, laughing.”

“Aye.” He smiled.





Date: 2004-10-17 02:35 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] hereswith.livejournal.com
Stars and kissing and rum and... *squee* I loved it! :-)

Date: 2004-10-17 05:49 am (UTC)
ext_15536: Fuschias by Geek Mama (Jack (blank by  unen2gemismasin))
From: [identity profile] geekmama.livejournal.com
So happy to have made you *squee*!

Date: 2004-10-17 04:25 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] shecrows.livejournal.com
...

Awwwwwwwwwwwwwwwh.

This ficcy-let made me go *melt*. I think I love you. *saves to favorites*

Date: 2004-10-17 05:53 am (UTC)
ext_15536: Fuschias by Geek Mama (Jack (blank by  unen2gemismasin))
From: [identity profile] geekmama.livejournal.com
Oooh, thanks so much!
(deleted comment)

Date: 2004-10-17 05:59 am (UTC)
ext_15536: Fuschias by Geek Mama (Jack (blank by  unen2gemismasin))
From: [identity profile] geekmama.livejournal.com
Oh, good! Now I don't have to rack my brain to come up with another one (unless something occurs to me).

Date: 2004-10-17 06:00 am (UTC)
ext_15536: Fuschias by Geek Mama (Jack (blank by  unen2gemismasin))
From: [identity profile] geekmama.livejournal.com
Oh, and thanks! Yes, Sweet R Us.

Date: 2004-10-17 07:58 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] heyimfae.livejournal.com
This was just what I needed right now. It put a huge smile on my face, thank'ya.

Date: 2004-10-17 09:05 am (UTC)
ext_15536: Fuschias by Geek Mama (Jack (blank by  unen2gemismasin))
From: [identity profile] geekmama.livejournal.com
So happy to have made you smile! :)

Date: 2004-10-17 07:59 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] heroics.livejournal.com
JE FIC :O ♥ that was lovely, short, sweet, and perfect.

Date: 2004-10-17 08:42 pm (UTC)
ext_15536: Fuschias by Geek Mama (Jack (blank by  unen2gemismasin))
From: [identity profile] geekmama.livejournal.com
Thanks! So glad you enjoyed. :)

Date: 2004-10-17 08:24 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] meletor-et-al.livejournal.com
Oh OH, sad. Maybe it's just me, for reading The Little Prince. But ... *sniffle* So sweet. Lovely.

Date: 2004-10-17 08:44 pm (UTC)
ext_15536: Fuschias by Geek Mama (Jack (blank by  unen2gemismasin))
From: [identity profile] geekmama.livejournal.com
Yes, poor Will. Dead now, so my J/E storyline makes sense.

I'm glad you liked it. Thanks so much for letting me know!

Date: 2004-10-17 08:47 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] meletor-et-al.livejournal.com
Oh, you mean I really got it? .::feels smart::.

.::but even sadder now::.

...though you did write some very adorable J/E to make up for it, so I forgive you.

Date: 2004-10-17 09:00 pm (UTC)
ext_15536: Fuschias by Geek Mama (Jack (blank by  unen2gemismasin))
From: [identity profile] geekmama.livejournal.com
Oh, yes. You got it. Thank you for forgiveness. I like writing het, not really inspired to write J/W/E, must keep J in the pairing (MUST), so had to get rid of W (pneumonia)(see previous J/E fic).

I owe you feedback for Psalms to the Taffrail (love that word, Taffrail. It just sounds cool). Soon, yes. Have been totally reediting my Harry & the Pirate and posting it to Live Journal -- so much nicer than ff.net, don't you agree? Very time consuming, that. But soon.

Date: 2004-10-18 06:04 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] meletor-et-al.livejournal.com
Well, that's a decent rationalization. I'm incapable of writing girls, so points to you for managing. And I'll have to check that out; I usually pass most J/Es by (mostly because Keira's performance of Elizabeth ticked me off, but one oughtn't take that out on the pairing) but I'll add that to my list of things to read up on.

Hehee, taffrail. It's such a fun word. Hmm... yes that. Hard work, but I'll bet worth it. I ought to add your Harry and the Pirate to my Important Things to Read list... right after 1984 on which I have a test Wednesday. Oh, and the copy of Mr. Midshipman Easy that my friend lent me is in there too. Anyway...

And ff.net scares me. So I barely go there unless I -have- to, and only then with direct specific links to stories. So glad you're getting it on lj.

And don't worry about PtT feedback; I'm completely understanding of the whole... life-piling-up-and-taking-over thing. Whenever you get a chance, I'd be honored to hear what your thoughts are so far. ^.^

Date: 2004-10-19 12:59 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] tseek-unique.livejournal.com
Jack is in very fine descriptive form here in a very sweet situation. And noble Will as a falling star-- a hint of sadness filled with hope!

Date: 2004-10-19 06:39 am (UTC)
ext_15536: Fuschias by Geek Mama (Jack (blank by  unen2gemismasin))
From: [identity profile] geekmama.livejournal.com
So happy you liked it!

Date: 2004-10-26 01:08 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] spican.livejournal.com
Oh, there's a much longer story between the lines here. Really spare and tight, and still it reads at a laid-back pace because there are smooth leaps of understanding between every line. Puzzle pieces sliding into place. I love that.

Beautiful, gentle mood, too. "He found her, blanket-wrapped and pale" -- how sweet is that! :)

Date: 2004-10-26 01:34 pm (UTC)
ext_15536: Fuschias by Geek Mama (Jack (blank by  unen2gemismasin))
From: [identity profile] geekmama.livejournal.com
Puzzle pieces sliding into place.

Drabbles are like puzzles, both for the writer (getting what you want to say down to exactly 100 words) and for the reader who often has to read between the lines.

I'm so happy you liked this one! Thank you for the lovely feedback. It's very much appreciated.

Date: 2004-10-28 12:48 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] spican.livejournal.com
Hey, thanks so much for the warm welcome on the BPS group! (Will respond to the list email tomorrow when I have refreshed brain cells to devote to the task. :)

And I think you're right about drabbles being puzzles for both writer or reader. For some reason, in XF fic a drabble is set to a standard 155 words, which is a fairly hard workout. 100 words though, that's brutal! *g*

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