Too Cool

May. 19th, 2005 10:06 pm
dwgm: Kimi Birds (Tall Ships)
[personal profile] dwgm
My boss, the principal, who is a little older than me, went with her husband to the midnight showing of Star Wars last night. She said it was great. Lord, there's no way I would've been able to stay awake through it.

The weather and the pool couldn't be more perfect.

[livejournal.com profile] weemonkey6 passed her typing test for the job she wants, this morning. To celebrate, we went to lunch at The Elephant Bar. Mmmmm!

The current drabble challenge at Black Pearl Sails is "Revenge". I wrote something--a Jack/Anamaria something--but it's way too long for a drabble. No discipline. *sighs*  This is the first thing I've written in present tense--if you don't think it works, somehow, let me know. I'm too sleepy to think clearly (all that swimming?).


A Word In Private
 

They come to him, again, as sunset fades.  Gibbs looking worried, Anamaria annoyed.

“Give over the helm,” Ana says. “I want a word with you. In private.”

Well, he can’t keep at it much longer, anyway. Not after the day he’s had. So, for form’s sake, he eyes her and lifts a provocative brow. “That right? In private?” Predictably, she scowls, and he leers a bit.

Gibbs chuckles, and lays a hand on the wheel. “I’ll take care of ‘er for you, Captain. You go with Ana, now.”

Jack nods, leer fading. He has to. Has to rest. But…

His ship. The Pearl is his.

He’s careful to give no outward sign he’s tearing himself away, perforce. He follows after Anamaria to the Great Cabin, admiring the view, which gets him to thinking of that night they’d had, before he’d borrowed her boat. A dangerous train of thought—she has a bad habit of reading his mind about some things. But better that, just now, than the niggling dread…

But she opens the doors, and he follows her in, and it’s all right. “You’ve cleaned it up.”

“Of course we did,” Ana snaps, as she shuts the doors behind them. “Bloody hell, d’ja think we wanted Barbossa’s stench lingering?”

He gives a laugh, but it’s cut short. He hadn’t permitted himself to look at things too closely when he was here with Barbossa a fortnight past. The whole ship had been rotting, his cabin included.

His cabin. With some of his old things still intact, even after ten years.

He can’t help himself. He walks over to the case that was built into the bulkhead for his books (smiling to remember the carpenter—Goose Dunnigan was it?—grousing about that unpiratical piece of work). Runs his hand over the leather of the bindings.

“Don’t think Barbossa touched ‘em,” says Ana, at his shoulder. “Lotta dust on ‘em, but we cleaned that off.”

“Did you now?” he murmurs, and turns to look at her.

She makes her face hard, but he can see her eyes. “There’s some supper, there on the table,” she says gruffly. “And rum. Sit and have some.”

He glances at the table—there’s a meal, laid out for him. He makes a show of frowning and looks at her again. “Thought you wanted ‘a word. In private’.”

She grinds her teeth, and then spits, “I do! You’ll sit down there and eat, Jack Sparrow, an’ then you’ll get some sleep. I didn’t give the word to go back an’ fetch you so’s you could drop dead like some lovesick fool!”

An ultimatum? She ought to know better than that.

He says nothing for a minute. Thinks how it could have gone this morning. Thinking how all this—this whole day—has surprised him. To put it mildly.

Finally he says, “Didn’t think you’d give that word. Why did you?”

She rolls her eyes, but her voice is less impatient as she replies. “I told you this morning. The Black Pearl is yours.”

“I owed you a ship.”

“The Swann girl tell you about that?”

He just looks at her.

So she goes on, resigned. “You don’t owe me, or anyone, the Black Pearl. An’ I figure a couple o’ weeks rottin’ in gaol, an’ bein’ almost hung is plenty of revenge for what’s between the two of us.”

He studies her some more, for long, slow moments. Then, seeing as she’s off her guard, he does what he wants to do. Grabs her, and pulls her against him (the eyes in that beautiful, dark face!), and kisses her.

On the cheek.

Her startled gasp fades, along with her furious intent to shove him away. Instead, she stills, tense and alive in his arms, under his hands, and he’s able to brush his lips back against her smooth skin and say in her ear, “Thank you, Ana.”

A lot of the fight goes out of her at that. But he kisses her cheek again, and releases her.

She backs away a step, cheeks red, working hard at indignation. She tilts her chin up, and says, severely, “You’re bloody mad!”

He grins. “So they say.”

She narrows her eyes. “You’d better watch it, Jack Sparrow!”

He narrows his, too, and tips the corner of his mouth up. “It’s Captain Sparrow, lass.”

She gives a little snort that starts out derisive, but doesn’t end that way. “Aye. So it is.” She shakes her head a bit: not disagreement, just wonder. “Now: if we’re through havin’ words, Captain, come an’ sit, and eat your supper.”
 

 

~.~


Date: 2005-05-19 11:54 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] linaelyn.livejournal.com
This story has me sitting here, grinning like a loon. I love it, to say the least.

The present tense is working well for you here: very well indeed.

If I might beg a boon from you? Another, in present tense as well, of Anamaria and Gibbs, and the conversation that led to this moment? And then another one before that, the one that led to the decision to turn the Pearl around, and go get Jack from that gaol?

*puss-in-boots eyes* Please?

Date: 2005-05-20 05:50 am (UTC)
ext_15536: Fuschias by Geek Mama (Tall Ships)
From: [identity profile] geekmama.livejournal.com
How can I resist puss-in-boots eyes? Although those will have to wait in line while I pound out another chapter of my longer fic (which I'm hoping to do this weekend). I'm so glad you liked this, and that the present tense worked (I made a couple of corrections this morning, on [livejournal.com profile] erinya's advice (her whole novel length fic is in present tense, so she's gotten to be quite the expert). It was an interesting experiment.

Date: 2005-05-19 11:56 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] linaelyn.livejournal.com
I'm sorry, I know it's the height of rudeness to beg for more more more fic like that. My apologies. *sheepish grin* I was just overcome for a moment, by the possibilities.

Date: 2005-05-20 05:54 am (UTC)
ext_15536: Fuschias by Geek Mama (WTF?)
From: [identity profile] geekmama.livejournal.com
Would you really say it's the height of rudeness? Hmmm...

Fortunately, I wouldn't. And you're right, the possibilities are vast.

(Must acquire an Anamaria icon, and a Gibbs one, too.)

Date: 2005-05-19 11:57 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] linaelyn.livejournal.com
I think this is my favorite line: “Bloody hell, d’ja think we wanted Barbossa’s stench lingering?”</>

Date: 2005-05-20 05:55 am (UTC)
ext_15536: Fuschias by Geek Mama (Pirate!)
From: [identity profile] geekmama.livejournal.com
Hee!

I think it would have, don't you?

Date: 2005-05-20 12:16 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] erinya.livejournal.com
Already left a long-winded comment at BPS, but had to comment again and say that I also like how Jack leers at Ana "for form's sake." He would! Also the description of Ana "tense and alive in his arms."

I find that the Jack/Ana pairing is rarely written in a way that intrigues me (I think I have some weird prejudice against canon and canon-implied pairings) but you've certainly done just that with this fic. I also would enjoy seeing more in this vein.

Date: 2005-05-20 06:13 am (UTC)
ext_15536: Fuschias by Geek Mama (Pirate!)
From: [identity profile] geekmama.livejournal.com
Profuse thanks for the detailed feedback you left at Black Pearl Sails, as well as these additional comments. I corrected that line you pointed out, here, and I'll zoom over to ff.net and correct it there, too. I certainly bow to your expertise in writing present tense -- you do a wonderful job with it in Choices. It was an interesting experiment for me, and I certainly wouldn't mind writing more, as requested. I've written a few J/A stories and drabbles. It's a fun pairing. I'm so very happy you liked this.

Date: 2005-05-20 12:17 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] azziria.livejournal.com
Oh, so very, very lovely! What a beautiful little fic - I love the characterisation, the pace, your use of the present tense - wonderful :-)

*bookmarks*

Date: 2005-05-20 06:15 am (UTC)
ext_15536: Fuschias by Geek Mama (Pirate!)
From: [identity profile] geekmama.livejournal.com
Thanks so much! I'm thrilled you liked it enough to bookmark. :)
(deleted comment)
(deleted comment)

Date: 2005-05-20 06:22 am (UTC)
ext_15536: Fuschias by Geek Mama (Pirate!)
From: [identity profile] geekmama.livejournal.com
Gives it a feeling of immediacy.

That's what I've been thinking when I read stories written in present tense. [livejournal.com profile] erinya's Choices springs immediately to mind, and [livejournal.com profile] tessabeth's Trochal and its sequel, Malabar Trade, as well. It's interesting how the use of present tense gives a whole different flavor to those stories.

I'm so glad you enjoyed this! Thanks so much for the feedback.

Date: 2005-05-20 05:31 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] bizarra.livejournal.com
OOh! I love this! Jack/Ana is as you know one of my favorite pairins. This is great and *whispers* I'll echo linaelyn's sentiments. LOL

Date: 2005-05-20 06:29 am (UTC)
ext_15536: Fuschias by Geek Mama (Pirate!)
From: [identity profile] geekmama.livejournal.com
I, too, enjoy certain J/A stories--Amberlin's stories on ff.net spring immediately to mind: they were among the very first PotC stories I read, and I was quite bowled over by their excellence. I'm very glad you enjoyed this. I'll have to continue the storyline, as suggested, after I do another chapter of Harry IV. Thanks so much for the comments!

Date: 2005-05-20 09:23 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] hendercats.livejournal.com
I just adore that he goes over to fondle his books! And so nice of you to have had Barbossa essentially not notice them, since it would have been so easy for him to have ruined them out of spite. Your little aside about the carpenter's grumbling is one of the tidbits that make your stories such a delight.

The way he doesn't want to leave the helm, the way Anamaria recognizes why ... so perfectly in character. This is wonderful.

Will now be envious of your lovely weather and pool use - it's in the 50's a pouring rain here today. :(

On another topic: checked your flist lately? *bounce bounce*

Date: 2005-05-20 11:19 am (UTC)
ext_15536: Fuschias by Geek Mama (Pirate!)
From: [identity profile] geekmama.livejournal.com
The idea of Jack being educated to some degree always appealed to me, and I think, being curious and acquisitive both, he'd be more fond of books than just about anything. Books were, after all, much rarer and more valuable back then, too, in spite of the existence of movable type.

So glad you liked this story. :)

I so wish you were here to enjoy the pool/summery weather/frozen daiquiris with me this weekend!!!!!

And HOLY CATS!!!!!!!!! A SEQUEL TO PRESCRIPTION!!!!!!!!! *squees ecstatically*


Date: 2005-05-20 09:33 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] hereswith.livejournal.com
Ana! *takes notes* ;-)

This is great! You know I'm not much for J/A, but you write it so very well, with such a good grasp of the characters, and the present tense works perfectly here. I *love* the first line, it's beautiful, as is this: she stills, tense and alive in his arms, under his hands. I really liked the bit where Jack remembers the carpenter grousing about that unpiratical piece of work as well. And you've done a marvellous job conveying the tension between the two of them.

Date: 2005-05-20 11:38 am (UTC)
ext_15536: Fuschias by Geek Mama (Pirate!)
From: [identity profile] geekmama.livejournal.com
Yes, Ana. Must've been the power of suggestion. ;)

So happy you enjoyed this. I'm very much looking forward to reading yours!

(By the way, did you ever read [livejournal.com profile] firesignwriter's Fortune and Favor? Great Anamaria characterization in that. Likewise, [livejournal.com profile] d_r_o_n_e's sequels, featuring Anamaria and Norrington, are excellent. They're saved in my memories, under the authors' names.)

Date: 2005-05-20 01:00 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] hereswith.livejournal.com
It probably was :-)

Ah, yes, one of these days... being able to write a little more quickly would be a good thing.

Indeed I did. Great fics, all three of them!

Date: 2005-05-20 02:21 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] torn-eledhwen.livejournal.com
That's wonderful, GM. I like Jack/Ana. Very plausible pairing, if you ask me - as friends, and as occasional lovers for fun.

I spotted one tense lapse:

She’d gasped, stiffening, and grabbed the front of his coat, ready to shove him away.

Don't know if it was intentional, but I think it would be better in present!

Date: 2005-05-20 03:04 pm (UTC)
ext_15536: Fuschias by Geek Mama (WTF?)
From: [identity profile] geekmama.livejournal.com
That was intentional, because it's happening as he grabs and kisses her, but it was bothersome. I changed it, somewhat. What do you think?

Date: 2005-05-20 04:43 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] gingersnapps.livejournal.com
I'm glad Kimmer passed her test--what job is she applying for?

Tell her congrats from me--and that I love her bunches!!

Date: 2005-05-20 08:11 pm (UTC)
ext_15536: Fuschias by Geek Mama (Default)
From: [identity profile] geekmama.livejournal.com
She's going to be learning a lot of different things at Countrywide. I'll pass on the good wishes and love.

Date: 2005-05-21 03:15 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] cymbeline.livejournal.com
This works so well in present tense! Great Jack & Ana piece. Its fun to see her put a bit out of sorts by his "thank you". Shows she may be tough but its hard to overcome Jack's charm.

Date: 2005-05-22 07:22 am (UTC)
ext_15536: Fuschias by Geek Mama (Tall Ships)
From: [identity profile] geekmama.livejournal.com
Thank you so much for the feedback--I'm so glad you enjoyed this. Love your J/A icon, btw--one of the best I've seen. Did you make it?

Date: 2005-05-22 08:46 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] cymbeline.livejournal.com
Its one I snagged from a screenshot from the end of the movie. I cropped it in Paintshop but otherwise left it alone. I can't figure out how to do anything cooler than add text LOL

Date: 2005-10-01 03:45 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] berne.livejournal.com
A perfect pair of ficlets! I love this whole premise of the room-clearing. I'd forgotten how much I used to adore pre-canon fics and this hits all the right buttons. It may be post-canon (just), but it's steeped in history: Jack/Ana, Gibbs, Barbossa, memories of the mutiny, of the carpenter... Jack's great; his insecurity is completely believable. *sighs* Both of these ficlets were really satisfying. *memories*

Date: 2005-10-01 04:45 pm (UTC)
ext_15536: Fuschias by Geek Mama (Anamaria by Marinarusalka)
From: [identity profile] geekmama.livejournal.com
I'd forgotten how much I used to adore pre-canon fics

That's one of my favorite things, too. There's a lot that can be written about Young Jack -- years and years worth of adventures, I should think.

So very happy you liked this story, too! Thank you for letting me know. :)

Date: 2005-10-02 12:04 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] honorat.livejournal.com
Oooh! You wrote this before I took up commenting as a part-time occupation. Words cannot express how utterly I love this! I've always loved the idea that coming back to the Black Pearl had to be difficult in some ways for Jack. And you capture the tension and dynamics of that whole situation so beautifully.

I love how Jack is always at his most annoying when he's at his most vulnerable. Pretending to have ulterior motives to save face. It works 'cause he doesn't have to pretend too hard.

He hadn’t permitted himself to look at things too closely when he was here with Barbossa a fortnight past Poor Jack. This whole story gives me horrible little twinges of sympathy.

Runs his hand over the leather of the bindings. As a bibliophile myself, this was so very moving. I love just touching my books, and this really adds so much to Jack's character.

She makes her face hard, but he can see her eyes
Instead, she stills
a little snort that starts out derisive, but doesn’t end that way

I love all of these little lines where Anamaria wavers between two different reactions. Perfect. I love how you portray their relationship. And that kiss that is not like the lecherous lear at the beginning is so wonderful.
Thank you for an excellent read. I feel all emotionally wrought up and ready to go write!

Date: 2005-10-07 09:52 am (UTC)
ext_15536: Fuschias by Geek Mama (Sparrow Sleeping by inevendim)
From: [identity profile] geekmama.livejournal.com
I didn't reply to this wonderfully detailed comment the other day, and I feel so ashamed! Thank you so much for taking the time to do that. You know how very much it is appreciated. I'm very glad you found so much to enjoy in this story.

Date: 2005-10-07 02:38 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] jenthegypsy.livejournal.com
So very far behind in reading and commenting...will I ever catch up? Just a word, then, so as not to parrot all of the wonderful comments above (which I would do if I had the time...) -

Perfect!

Date: 2005-10-07 09:53 am (UTC)
ext_15536: Fuschias by Geek Mama (Tall Ships)
From: [identity profile] geekmama.livejournal.com
I'm glad you liked it, Jen. Thanks for reading!

Date: 2005-10-10 09:05 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] archerlass.livejournal.com
I found my way here through the fanfic100 site. So much depth to the relationship you've created between Jack and Ana. Thanks for sharing this! :)

Date: 2005-10-10 09:14 am (UTC)
ext_15536: Fuschias by Geek Mama (Jack (blank by  unen2gemismasin))
From: [identity profile] geekmama.livejournal.com
Thanks for reading and leaving such a nice compliment! I'm glad you liked it. :)

Date: 2007-07-30 05:30 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] woolymonkey.livejournal.com
Whee!
I love this too. There's so much between these two. Ana should be in more stories.
Love your Jack, frightened of facing the mess that might still be in the cabin but not of admitting that he didn't expect them to come back for him. Yet again, he's a coward when it's trivial, but brave for the big stuff.

Date: 2007-07-30 05:45 pm (UTC)
ext_15536: Fuschias by Geek Mama (PotC - Anamaria by Marinarusalka)
From: [identity profile] geekmama.livejournal.com
he's a coward when it's trivial, but brave for the big stuff.

Just as so many of us are. I think that's one of the things that makes him so easy for everyone to relate to.

Jack/Ana used to be such a popular pairing, and they are very much fun to write together. If you want some more of them, [livejournal.com profile] honorat's 'Crossing the Bar' is magnificent, and has a subtle Jack/Ana pairing, not smutty, but fascinating nonetheless, and well worth reading even though it's still a WIP.

Thank you again for reading and commenting!

Date: 2007-07-30 06:09 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] woolymonkey.livejournal.com
Thanks for the rec. Not much reading time just now, but it's going on my list...

Date: 2008-04-30 08:31 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] meowbooks.livejournal.com
Teasing her...:D Her concern is very sweet and you have to love Gibbs. Honestly you just do.

Date: 2008-05-01 02:53 am (UTC)
ext_15536: Fuschias by Geek Mama (PotC - Gibbs by Honorat Selonnet)
From: [identity profile] geekmama.livejournal.com
Gibbs is just the best, the carrots to Jack's peas. *g* So happy you enjoyed this! Thank you for letting me know.

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